“Real-World Smart”
One of the biggest and heaviest responsibilities a parent has is teaching your child skills for them to become a well-rounded, respectful, and independent adult. Basically, for them to become a good human-being. According to the Oxford Dictionary, a life skill is “a skill that is necessary or desirable for full participation in everyday life.” There are so many opportunities to show your child important, valuable skills that actually mean something for their life. This is a really important topic for me right now. As my son approaches preschool age, I’ve been thinking a lot about his development, what he is learning, and how impressionable he is right now. I’ve also been thinking about my experience in school and what my son may encounter as he enters the school system.
From my perspective, I actually don’t want my son to be “book smart.” I seriously don’t. I do not want him to learn something just to take a test on it in school, to get a certain letter grade, or to get a degree. Here’s why - I want my son to be scrappy, creative, and resourceful. Meaning, I want him to know himself, to understand what he is good at and can do himself and what he is not good at and can “outsource” to someone else. I want him to think outside the box for getting things done in the real world. I want him to learn things that apply to his life, to the life he wants to build, and for a life that matters outside of a classroom. I want him to be the kind of smart that kids are not tested for in schools - “real-world smart.”
You may think I’m mad for saying that, well let me pile on for a second. I grew up as a “book smart” student in school. School was easy for me and I excelled at all subjects. Even when I got into undergrad and graduate school, it was relatively easy. I knew how to complete assignments, I knew how to hit the key points, and I knew how to work within the school system. I have called myself “institutionalized” from the school system because I know how to think within the boundaries of a school system and be successful, based on my multiple degrees and certifications. But how does that actually apply to the real world? If I continued to think and perform within the expectations of a school, then I would not be successful in other aspects of my life. My boss doesn’t give me a gold star on a performance chart when I submit a proposal I worked on for 3 months. My husband doesn’t give me a letter grade at the end of each day for my performance. I don’t get promoted from Mama’s Housework Level 1 to Mama’s Housework Level 2 by my son because I am just SO good at vacuuming. The real-world doesn’t work like that.
To give credit to the educational system, having multiple degrees at a young age has made me a qualified candidate for jobs that I would not have been considered for if not for the degree. I also can say that because of my degrees and ability to apply for leadership roles, my earning potential is higher. But a degree doesn’t actually land you a job, a degree doesn’t improve your marriage, a degree doesn’t pay off your debts. Life skills do. Street smarts do. Being scrappy and flexible gets you from “book smart” to “real-world smart.”
Does that make sense?
My husband and I are on the exact same page with this. We want our son to be “real-world smart” and that takes a lot of intentional thinking and planning. I’ve told my husband that I am responsible for turning our baby into a boy and that he is responsible for turning our boy into a man. There are so many things that a boy needs to learn and understand. There are so many more things that a man needs to learn and understand. I’m sure you are thinking of things already.
Do any of these life skills come to mind?
Grooming and personal hygiene
Contributing to the family - such as housework
Chivalry
Self-defense
Relationships and communication
Physical fitness and health - including having a positive relationship with food
Financial stability
Dealing with adversity and stress
Self-confidence
There are many more and yet with the ones I have listed above, there is so much to unpack! A boy needs more than the ability to take a test within a school system. A boy needs to have self-awareness and self-confidence. He needs to understand how he contributes toward the family unit and his role in it. He needs adversity, disappointment, and healthy stress. He needs to witness chivalry and be expected to do chivalrous acts. He must have the ability to protect himself and others if needed. He needs to learn how to effectively communicate with others and how he can build meaningful relationships. He also needs a positive influence on physical fitness, body image, and eating habits. All of these things are needed as a boy for him to turn into a man. (I am a boy mom but also think many of these things apply to girls too).
So… when exactly should you start doing that? Is everything a “teachable moment” and if you don’t constantly beat the “life skills” drum then your child is going to be a complete cling-on at age 32? Well, one could argue that it is never too early to start and I agree with that. Kids are so impressionable and malleable that the earlier you start, the better. It may also seem like you are boiling the ocean when trying to figure out HOW you actually instill life skills with your child. I am a huge supporter of intentional routines and purposeful play. That is how my husband and I are doing this and so far, it is working for us and our child.
As you know, my son just turned two-years-old so I can’t share with you the long-term results of our intentional routine and purposeful play moments. But I can share with you how my baby is turning into a boy and the signs I can see of the man he will become. In my next blog post, I’ll describe my son’s grooming, personal hygiene, and contributions to our family unit. Look for this on April 28th!
If you are looking for some life skills right now, check out my previous blogs on physical fitness:
