Sunday Family Game Plan
How do you set yourself and your family up for success each week? Do you feel like each week is absolute chaos and you are surviving from day to day - even moment to moment? I think most people would say yes, their days and sometimes moments feel very chaotic and stressful. You have obligations and responsibilities such as family, work, personal needs, household chores, extracurricular activities, meal prep, doctor appointments, bill payment, and so much more each week.
I am interested and curious about how other people prepare for their days and their weeks. I recently went on a hike with some friends and we ended up talking about our week and our strategies for “getting ready for the week.” My friends and I are all first time mothers and we all have boys ages 2 and younger. We all work full-time and so do our spouses. We have different child care support and are involved in my extracurricular activities for ourselves and for our boys. We all had different ways we get ready for the week and I loved learning from them and thinking about how I could include their ideas into my own weekly game plan.
We all were trying to figure out a better way to manage the week instead of having the week manage us.
In 2023, my husband and I would talk about and plan our day the night before. Some nights we had a pretty straightforward conversation because there weren’t any conflicts. Other nights were conversations filled with stress because our professional schedule had conflicts with our personal schedule and child care needs. It would be a nightly scramble to figure out how we were going to survive the next day.
Enough was enough. We could do so much better at managing our days and weeks and we needed to make a significant change. We needed to manage our days instead of having our days manage us. This meant that we had to talk about our relationship, how we communicate with each other, how we share our needs and priorities, and how we work through conflict. Those may seem really simple concepts and things to do. In practice, they can be really tough.
Let me give you an example. I work full-time for a company based in Utah (I live in Michigan), which means that my work schedule is Mountain Standard Time and the rest of my life is Eastern Standard Time. My work day doesn’t typically start until 9:30am and goes until 7:00pm. My husband works full-time and his company is local so his work schedule is more 7:30am - 4:30pm. What does this mean for us personally?
Personally, I typically have my son in the mornings from 6:30am - 9:00am when we leverage our childcare. Then, I start work at 9:30am and typically work until 7:00pm. My husband then has our son from 5:00pm - 7:00pm until I’m done working. Then, our family of 3 is together until my son’s bedtime at 8:30pm. By that time, it’s the end of the day and my husband and I have both had a really full day. When do my husband and I get time to exercise, get out of the house by ourselves, spend time with friends, etc…? When do we get time together as a couple, without our son and outside of our house? As you can guess, it is really hard to do that based on our current personal and professional schedules.
That’s the tough conversation my husband and I had at the end of 2023. How can we be better at managing our week for ourselves and for our son? We must re-balance our personal needs, our family needs, and our professional needs. In 2024, that is exactly what we did. We intentionally created balance and we fiercely protect that balance each week.
Sunday Family Check-In’s
You are going to laugh or roll your eyes, and that is fine with me. My husband and I started a “Sunday Family Check-In” each Sunday. Call it a family meeting, call it whatever you want. We intentionally prioritize meeting with each other to talk about our week and make a game plan.
Our Sunday Check-Ins are one of the biggest, positive impacts on our marriage, our family, and our stress. We have committed to each other that we will always have a conversation about the upcoming week on Sundays. When we have these conversations, we both bring our calendars. Either on our phones or our computers so we have what we need to talk through our week and make real-time decisions based on our conversation. We also make real-time changes to our schedules so we don’t forget later on.
We have also committed that both of us will come prepared to have the conversation - that means we both have thought about what we need to talk about and are willing to work together in creating a plan. One person is not responsible for the Family Game Plan - we are both responsible for the success of our marriage, our family, and our stress.
As I’m writing this, it sounds like a high-stakes “meeting” that we have to prepare for. I would actually say yes, this is a high-value, high-impact conversation that has changed the conversations and stress-levels my husband and I have. We talk about a lot each Sunday and it has been an amazing experience so far.
Our weekly King Family Check-In covers these topics (call it agenda if you must):
Personal schedule
Professional schedule
Meal prep for the week
Household chore checklist
Personal check-in
Marriage & relationship check-in
Podcast pick
These conversation starters have evolved since we started this in January, and I love how we are adjusting this as we learn more about our family and personal needs. This has been such a gift to us and something we fiercely protect - when something is going well, you protect it, nurture it, and grow it.
Personal Schedule:
When we talk about our personal schedule, we define this as our activities, extracurriculars, travel, parties, friends, exercise, doctor appointments, etc… We have quite a few things that hit this list each week and it’s important that we talk about them so we know what is going on. Our conversation usually looks something like this:
Elizabeth: “Jason has swimming lessons at 9:10am on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Joe, are you coming to swimming, what does your work schedule look like for that?” Joe, I can make Thursday.” Elizabeth “Okay, then I’ll take him Tuesday and Friday. Can you take him on Thursday so I can have a little time for myself before work starts?” Joe, “Sure, that sounds great.” Then we both update our calendars, in the moment to commit to the schedule.
Elizabeth: “I want to take Jason to the library on Tuesday for storytime and to get some new books. I’ll take him after swimming. Is that okay and can I adjust our childcare so I can take Jay to storytime?” Joe: “Yeah that works. I’ll have lunch made for you both when you get done with storytime.” Elizabeth “Awesome, thank you!”
Joe: “This weekend we were invited to my mom’s for a cookout. It ‘s on Sunday at 4pm and she wants us to bring dessert. Do you want to go?” Elizabeth: “Yeah that sounds great and it is right after Jay gets up from his nap. What do you want to bring and can we add that to our grocery order this week?”
Elizabeth: “Hey, just so you know, my brother’s birthday is this Wednesday. I’ll give him a call and if you want to reach out that would be great too.” Joe: “Oh yeah, I’ll reach out to Neil.”
Joe: “I want to go to ju jitsu Tuesday and Thursday this week. I will need to leave at 530pm to get to class by 6pm.” Elizabeth: “Let me look at my work schedule really quick. Tuesday looks fine, I’ll block that on my calendar. Thursday, I have a late meeting from 630pm-730pm. Can we ask your mom to come over so you can go and I can do my meeting?” Joe: “Sure, I’ll ask her.”
Joe: “What do you want to do this week so you can get out of the house?” Elizabeth: “I’d like to go to a coffee shop on Wednesday, since Jay doesn’t have swimming that day. Can I go at 7am and be back at 9am so I can start working?” Joe: “My work schedule looks good so I can block my calendar.”
Elizabeth: “Oh, I forgot. Jay has a dentist appointment this week. It’s Monday at 8am. I know you have to be at work. Can you look to see if you can come?” Joe: “I would really like to be there, let me see what I can move around so I can go.”
Joe: “We have our big trip to go up north in a couple of weeks. I talked with Chris and he said he is available to watch our dogs. What time do we want to leave that day so I can tell Chris what time to come over?” Elizabeth “Ummm.. I’m not sure, if we leave around 9am that’s when Jay’s snack is so we can get about an hour drive in before we would need to stop and let him run around. Does 9am work for us to leave?” Joe: “Yeah that sounds great. I’ll let Chris know.”
Joe: “We are still on for Friday night date night right?” Elizabeth: “Ummm yeah! Do you want to order takeout this time? I am craving some sushi. When you are in Grand Rapids, can we get Maru takeout?” Joe: “Yeah that sounds really good. Do you want to pick what we do on Friday night after Jay goes to sleep?” Elizabeth: “Sure! I can pick what we do.”
Professional Schedule:
Our professional schedule is our working schedule. It does include meetings, if we need more travel time, and if one of us has a big deadline or project this week that may throw a wrench into things. Our conversation usually looks something like this:
Joe: “I need to do some drop ins this week and am planning to go to Holland, Muskegon, and Ada. I think my travel day is going to be Wednesday. What does your day look like and what time do I need to be home?” Elizabeth: “Wednesday I have a couple late meetings from 5-530 and then 6pm-7pm. So, if you can, I’ll need you home before 5pm so you can do dinner with Jay.” Joe: “Okay, I can do that. I’ll be home around 430pm and then I’ll plan on having Jay until you are done with work around 7pm.”
Elizabeth: “My schedule looks pretty good for the rest of the week. Wednesday is my only day that I have late meetings so I may be available earlier than 7pm the rest of the week. I don’t have anything big coming up so I’ll probably have some flexibility.” Joe: “Okay that is great because I have end of quarter goals I need to meet and may need some work time when I’m home this week.” Elizabeth: “Sure, just let me know what you need.”
Meal Prep for the Week:
Food… we eat a lot of food and it seems like we are constantly talking about meals. We just recently started talking about meal prep for the week on Sunday and it has been very helpful! It is also really helpful to meal plan before we put in our grocery order so that we are buying what we need and staying within our grocery budget. Our conversation looks something like this:
Joe: “What do we want to eat this week? Our usual breakfast stuff and snack stuff sounds good to me. Jay has been eating his omelet and pumpkin pancakes.” Elizabeth: “Yeah that sounds great. Can we do a few cold dishes since it is getting hot out? Like homemade pasta salad and more fruit?” Joe: “Oh yeah, let’s get some watermelon and I can make pasta salad, that’s easy. Do you want to do ground turkey for dinner too? We can make burgers and Mexican food this week?” Elizabeth: “Yes that sounds awesome.”
Elizabeth: “Who is putting in the food order this week? I can because I have a couple house things I noticed we need to get too like shaving cream.” Joe: “Sure, you can put in the food order. I think we will be low on food on Tuesday so can you put in the food order tomorrow?” Elizabeth: “Yup yup yup. I’ll put a reminder on my calendar.”
Joe: “When Jay takes his nap today, I’ll make the pasta salad and some more pumpkin pancakes for the week.”
Household Chore List:
Something that we have been doing throughout the week that protects our weekends is doing household chores during the week. I know, it is one more thing to do each day AND I love doing a little each day instead of ALL the chores on the weekend. It is so much better and on the weekends, we can just enjoy each other instead of feeling like we have all this extra work to do.
We typically talk about main household chores on Sunday and divide them up. Here is an example:
*We have a 2-year-old and each night he gets a bath and storytime before bedtime. Joe and I switch who does bath time and storytime each night so we both get those experiences with our son. If I am doing bath time, then Joe is doing meal prep or something else to pick up the house. When I am done with bath time and Joe starts story time, then I am doing the dishes or something else that contributes to the house. That way, we both are contributing at night and when our son goes to bed, then Joe and I have time together in a semi-clean house.
Other chores or household items we discuss, on a monthly basis, are our budget and upcoming bills.
Personal Check-In
By this point in our conversation, we have made it through quite a few topics and see our week taking shape. I personally feel, at this point in the conversation, like there is a lot to do for the week. But I have a plan, right?
This is usually the time we shift our conversation to ask each other how we are personally doing. Sometimes this is a really vulnerable question because there are times when I don’t feel like I am doing okay or I am already having stress about something that is coming up.
For example, Joe said that he may not be able to make Jay’s dentist appointment. My son is 2-years-old… he does not like any stranger touching him (which is great in almost all situations except when receiving health care) and I am mentally picturing a full-blown melt down at the dentist office. How am I going to handle that by myself? I mean, I know I can handle it but when it happens, I know I am going to struggle hearing him cry and scream to get his teeth cleaned. I’m mentally creating stress for something that hasn’t even happened yet.
So, I shared that with Joe. I shared my mental picture of what Monday could be like at the dentist and how I am already stressed. I also said that I can do it and I will do it. I’m just letting him know in advance. After Joe checked his schedule, he did say that he could not make the dentist appointment and asked what he could do for me to help me. I did tell him that on Monday morning, I may be more stressed than usual and to be extra patient with me.
Just saying that made me feel better. That Joe knew where I was coming from, that he validated what I was thinking, and he asked me how I could help made the mental preparation for Jay’s dentist appointment feel easier. If I hadn’t had the conversation with Joe, then Monday would have looked different.
When I asked Joe this same question - how are you doing - he said he is doing fine and that he has a big client meeting coming up. I asked him how he felt about it and if there is anything I could do to help him prep? He said that he is thinking about a couple of asks to make and wanted to run them by me. I listened and we talked about it for a while. After, Joe said that he felt like he had a good plan and good questions to ask.
I love asking Joe how he is doing and having a real conversation about what he is thinking about. It is a highlight of our Sunday Family Check-Ins.
Marriage & Relationship Check-In
The vulnerability door that was cracked open when we ask each other how we are doing personally, then gets flung open when we talk about our marriage and relationship. We literally ask each other how we think and feel our relationship is doing and what changes or asks we have of each other to make it even better this week.
How did we start doing this? Well, we actually both listened to the same podcast from Dr. John Delony about marriage and relationships and we loved it so much so that we wanted to try it. Dr. John Delony has so many podcasts about a wide-range of relationship topics and is a great listen if you enjoy podcasts.
What we loved about his podcast was asking each other a couple of questions each week to have an honest conversation about our relationship. We have taken his questions and modified them to what has worked for us. The questions are:
What has been on your mind about us lately?
What can I do for you this week so you feel loved and appreciated?
What can I do to make your days feel less stressful / chaotic this week?
I am sure you can think of a TON of answers to this for yourself and I love how they are open-ended questions instead of “yes, no” questions. We have so many great conversations from these questions and it is another highlight of our Sunday Family Check-Ins.
Some answers that I’ve shared with Joe before have been:
I’ve been thinking about the amount of time we spend together. I don’t think I’m getting enough time with just you. I think we, as a family of three, get plenty of time together but I don’t feel as connected to you the past couple of weeks. I need more time with just you. I was thinking that maybe we could do a coffee date next week so we can get out of the house and spend some time together. What do you think?
What would make me feel extra loved and appreciated this week is some verbal encouragement on how I’m doing as Jay’s mom. I know that you think I’m a great mom and I also need to hear you say it. I just need a little appreciation on all the extra things I’m doing for him this week with the dentist and swimming. I know you that you know it is a lot and I also need you to say that every now and then.
This week, I just really need some patience and understanding from you. Work has been really stressful and I am trying to make some pretty big decisions. I may be frustrated this week and it isn’t aimed at you. I am going to work really hard this week on it and I need to tell me if you feel like I’m not showing up how you need me to. I’ll hear you and I’ll make changes AND I just need some patience this week.
Podcast Pick
Something else that we have been doing together is picking a podcast that we both are going to listen to throughout the week and then talk about together during our Friday night date nights. It has been so much fun to do and I love all the different ways we connect on Friday just by having this simple thing as a conversation starter.
It’s not that Joe and I run out of things to talk about. Sometimes we just get caught up in talking about the non-stop to do list or we only talk about being parents or only talk about work. It is so nice to talk about something else. I learn more and more about my husband each Friday night and we have some amazing debates about the podcast we listened to.
It’s just something else that we’ve added into our Sunday Family Check-In and it is a keeper.
Our Game Plan for the Week
So you can see how this Sunday Family Check-In is so much more than a “meeting.” It’s a conversation, it’s making a plan, it’s talking to each other, it’s making adjustments, and it’s listening to each other. I love our Sunday conversations and how connected I feel during those moments and throughout the week. Talking with my husband is one of my all-time favorite things and managing our week as a team is SO much better than having the week manage us.
From all of the examples that I put into this blog, here is what our week now looks like because we talked about it and made commitments to each other. I can’t believe we weren’t doing this before. Just looking at the week, it looks like chaos. But it is our chaos and we have a game plan to manage the week, not survive the week.
To keep track of all these things and our decisions, we put all of this stuff in our calendar. I also love writing things down and each Sunday I write out a weekly priority list for each day of the week. There is something about writing stuff down and being able to cross things off that I enjoy.
My weekly priority list would look something like this:
Something as simple as this, a priority list for each day, does not capture all of the things that actually go on each day. It is a starting point and keeps me centered on things that need to get done.
Summary:
We all were trying to figure out a better way to manage the week instead of having the week manage us. My husband and I intentionally created balance among our personal, family, and professional needs and we fiercely protect that balance each week. We use a “Sunday Family Check-In” to talk about these great conversation starters:
Personal schedule
Professional schedule
Meal prep for the week
Household chore checklist
Personal check-in
Marriage & relationship check-in
Podcast pick
What has come from these conversations is a deeper connection with my husband, a clearer understanding of each other, and a team-based approach to managing our week. It’s been amazing and I hope you consider adopting a Sunday Family Game Plan in your life.
