Don’t Blink. I didn’t… did I?
I shared earlier that my son has made the transition from baby to toddler. At 2-years-old, my son has grown into an independent, little man. I am grieving this transition because there are so many things that have changed for us. There have been many “last times” for us and I always knew these moments with my son will be fleeting and yet seeing them actually happen hurts my Mama heart.
People always say to enjoy every single second of raising little humans because they grow up so fast. When someone says that, I think of Kenny Chesney’s song, Don’t Blink and the lyrics “don’t blink, you just might miss your babies growing like mine did.” I mean, I don’t think I blinked at all over the past two years with my son. I have been with my son almost every single day of his life and have spent a lot of time with him (I always want more time with him).
My husband and I have been very fortunate for the amount of time we have been able to spend with our son. Both my husband and I have professional jobs where we are able to bank up time off and also have some flexibility with our schedules if things come up. For me, when I was pregnant with our son, I negotiated with my boss to shift from a 5-day work week to working 4, 10 hour days each week. For the past two years, I have had Tuesday’s off each week to be with my son. Just having one day per week off gives me 52 more full days each year with my son than I would have had.
Both my husband and I also have the ability to work from our home. We do not have to go into an office consistently and that gives us a more flexible morning. Instead of being on a schedule to get out the door early in the morning, we are able to spend some family time together each morning. Once a quarter, I was traveling for work and my husband would occasionally have to travel too.
We also made the decision to keep our son home instead of using a daycare. That means we get to see him each day and throughout the day. We get to hear his laugh, him playing, and his enjoyment of each day. We do also hear his cries, which can be really stressful, but I would rather have him home.
So when I say that my husband and I have spent nearly every single day of our son’s life with him, I seriously mean it. For myself, I have only been away from my family for 12 days in the past two years; 11 of the 12 days were for work and 1 of the 12 days was for a family wedding. We prioritize our family unit almost to a fault. We both have difficulty and internal guilt when we do things for ourselves, spend time with friends, travel for work, or try to get a date night in. We LOVE being Jason’s parents and we love the amount of time we get to spend with him, even if we are sacrificing a lot right now. It’s so worth it.
Like I said, I didn’t blink - my son has been in my line of sight, basically, everyday since he was born. I have had my bright blue eyes glued to my child for years (wow, I can now say “years” about my child…). We’ve all been together everyday and I have dedicated Tuesdays with Jason each week. Where did the time go? Where did my little baby go and who is this toddler standing in front of me?
It is funny how time can play tricks on the mind. I believe we can all agree that we have a general concept of time. When I think of time, I think of a clock, the number of hours in each day, and my internal rhythm or clock. Time has always been intangible to me and yet I fill time with many tangible tasks. Even now as a parent, my daily to-do list fills my time and then some.
We live by the clock for pretty much everything including meal time, wake windows, nap time, potty breaks, bath time, and bedtime. There are also professional schedules, doctor appointments, activities like library story times, weekly meal prep, playdates, outdoor time, exercise, personal hobbies, and grocery order deliveries. Every single one of those items takes time and many of them are on a consistent schedule or routine.
Can you feel time moving quickly, normally, or slowly? Some days literally fly by. On those days I do feel like I blinked. For example, today I was mentally still having breakfast but when I blinked I’m physically in an afternoon work meeting. What happens on those days when time seems to be fast-forwarding? Where does my mind go during those times when I feel like I missed what happened in front of me - some may call that “being on auto-pilot” or even “automaticity.”
I know that is a natural state for my brain, we can only process so much information and it is more efficient for our brain to do certain things on auto-pilot. I do appreciate how functional my brain is to move me through certain mundane tasks each day. But dang brain! Don’t be on auto-pilot when I’m with my child or my husband. Auto-pilot has stolen many precious moments from me in my motherhood journey. Don’t blink? Well my eyes might not have but my brain definitely did!
I wanted to learn more about this and found a very detailed research article by the National Institute of Health - National Library of Medicine describing “the time-emotion paradox.” Which, in my own words, states that people are able to estimate time (such as the number of hours in each day) but how we process time is highly subjective and based on internal factors (like emotional state) and external factors (such as other stimuli, people, or situations). If we are in a highly engaging experience, time can feel as if it slows down. If we are in the mundane tasks of the time, we shift how we process time to move through those lesser engaging moments more quickly. If you watched the movie Click with Adam Sandler - it’s like we literally have a mental remote to fast-forward through certain aspects of the day and then a pause or hit a slow motion button on highly engaging moments of the day.
What do you think about that? How does it relate to you as a parent and trying to soak in every moment you can with your child or children? It makes me feel like my brain needs a rewire so I can program it into the right moments of impact.
In the words of Kenny Chesney:
“So I've been trying to slow it down
I've been trying to take it in
In this 'here today, gone tomorrow' world we're living in
So, don’t blink”
I really am trying to not blink. My eyes are working well. It’s my brain that needs to stop blinking. My beautiful mom brain that sometimes can’t even remember my own home address - that mom brain needs to stop blinking. So I can slow time down. So I can take it all in. So I can step out of the fast-paced world and into the slow, blissful life of a child. So I don’t miss my baby growing up.
