Celebrating Our Years Together

Today is my hubby and I’s 7th wedding anniversary! We got married all the way back in 2017 and it seems like a lifetime ago but also a blink of an eye. Looking back and reflecting on all of the years we have spent together - I am shocked by how much we have done together. How many experiences we have had and how we have loved and supported each other through the wonderful times and the very difficult times. 

When I close my eyes, I am transported back to our wedding day. I can remember so many of the details… the fun I had with my friends as we got our hair done and started drinking.

The precious moments I spent with my parents as they congratulated me on my future life. The hugs I was able to give to family members who have since passed away.

I remember having complete tunnel vision walking down the aisle, listening to Joe’s vows, and my hands shaking the entire time until we said “I do.” 

I remember getting on the party bus and all of our combined friends having the best of time. We sang and danced and partied on the party bus like we were back in college. I can still see the crinkle-eyed smile that my now husband gave me every time I looked in his direction. It’s this smile he has when he is absolutely smitten and it is my most favorite smile of all. 

I can still see us at the country club, sitting at the head table, listening to the best man, maid of honor, and father of the bride speeches. I can’t think about that moment without hot tears springing to my eyes. Their words were so kind, loving, and supportive. As I sit at the head table, I can still see all of our family and friends who wanted to celebrate our marriage with us. That is the only time all of our family and friends will be in the same room at the same time; 176 wonderful souls spent their time with us. We are forever grateful for our family and friends. That is something I’ve learned through marriage, you don’t just gain your partner and best friend - you gain a huge support system. 

As our marriage has gained experience and wisdom over the years, so have we as individuals in our marriage. I am not the same person I was 7 years ago. Not even close. Neither is Joe. We both have a core foundation of who we are and very strong values we hold dear. Yet, our life has grown and evolved since we got married.

When we were first married, we were DINKs (dual-income no kids), who had a cat and an apartment with all of the freedom in the world. Then we bought a house and a dog. The financial and personal responsibilities changed. After a short while, we both made the decision to pursue career goals and that led us to moving from Michigan to Utah in 2019. We sold basically everything we had in our house and drove out west and moved into an apartment. 

In 2020, obviously, there was the pandemic. We had just moved to a new state, where we knew no one except who we worked with, and the world shut down. Joe and I made another bold decision - we both worked remotely and decided to travel while working. We brought our dog with us and traveled the most we had ever traveled since we had been together. We visited all parts of Utah, Idaho, and Arizona. We flew out to North Carolina and Tennessee. We even did a huge one month road trip back to Michigan to see family and friends. We made the decision to live our lives the way we wanted to because we had the flexibility to do so. 

As the pandemic waned, we started talking about wanting a family and went down the road of fertility testing. I had issues with fertility and we had to make some decisions about what our future would look like. We decided to move back to Michigan, to get settled into a home we loved, and to start down the fertility treatment path. 

Our son, Jason, was born in 2022 and our marriage went through another adjustment. We both made huge sacrifices for our son including our careers, our personal goals, and our free time. It was difficult for us to find time for each other because of the exhaustion and the demands of our new life. We have worked very hard to find ourselves and to find each other since becoming parents. People have always said that “having a kid changes everything” and I’ve always shrugged that off… well, that is the truest statement a person can ever say. Everything did change and that meant we entered a new phase of our marriage. We had to talk about things together and we had to make some serious adjustments. We did and it has been for the better.

Now, in 2024, my husband’s mother unexpectedly passed away at the age of 64 from complications in a medical procedure. The grief we are both experiencing has been devastating. Our extended family is badly hurting as well. We are both trying to navigate this together and individually. Grief is unique to each person and there is only so much that others can do to help. Each person who is grieving has to find a way through. They have to find the will to move through the pain with the support they have and with their own inner strength. 

Our marriage, is again, growing and evolving through the grief we are experiencing. Each year, it seems like, we have another new life experience that helps us grow and test the boundaries of our partnership. I am very grateful for these experiences, even though that sounds strange, because I know my husband very well and he knows me. I have never been more vulnerable, more trusting, and more secure with Joe than I am now. We walk through things together, we talk through things, and we make a great team.

Our friendship, our love, and our experiences have shaped who we are as a couple and I am so grateful for all of the time we have spent together figuring these things out. Each year, I love celebrating our marriage. Since our first anniversary, I have always done the “traditional” wedding gift as an ongoing theme for us. It is a fun, creative challenge that I truly enjoy. I also like the traditional theme more than the modern and gemstone gifts… those aren’t as fun or meaningful to me.

Year 1 theme is paper, I made us a handmade scrapbook of our life together. Year 2 theme is cotton and I had a handmade quilt made of all our travels together, symbolizing our move from Michigan to Utah. Year 3 theme is leather and I had our wedding song lyrics pressed into a piece of leather, then framed. Year 4 theme is fruit and flowers - I had my wedding bouquet (which had hypericum berries) turned into a watercolor painting that I framed. Year 5 theme is wood and I had a wooden map with epoxy laser cut into our city with all of our favorite places highlighted. Year 6 theme is iron and I had two iron hearts made into a tabletop figure with 6 tally marks on the base. Year 7 theme is copper and I found a mini bonsai tree made of copper. 

Each one of these gifts has taken some serious creativity and mental energy. But I love that part of this because that is what my marriage should be - creative, energetic, and intentional. For the paper theme, I could have just got him a card, for the cotton theme, I could have done socks… how lame is that? It also seems like each year, the theme gets more and more challenging to think of something that is meaningful. But isn’t that the point? 

Each year of marriage poses different challenges based on what life throws at you. The challenge is how you deal with those challenges together. Next year is 8 years with a traditional theme of bronze or pottery… what the heck am I going to do next year for a creative gift?

Well… I get an entire year to put effort into our marriage, to enjoying our ongoing life, and our future.