Just writing the title of this blog makes my eye twitch. Of course, I will do anything and everything for my child. Yes, yes I will. But I absolutely should not. Sometimes, I should do absolutely NOTHING. 

It is not my role as a mother to do everything for my child. If I do, then I am robbing him of independence, learning, perseverance, and so so much more. I am stealing moments of frustration when he gets an opportunity to figure something out, I am stealing his creativity and problem-solving, and I am stealing his gratification and joy when he actually can figure something out for himself.

A couple examples that I’ve noticed lately with my almost 2.5 year old. He wants to try and get dressed himself, specifically, putting on his own socks. That is a tough fine motor skill to master for a little guy but man oh man does he want to do it. For me, it is 100% easier and faster to just put his socks on for him so we can get on with the day. For him, it is a personal challenge and a growth opportunity. Instead of putting his socks on for him, I should model and explain how to do it, then sit back and do nothing.

When he got frustrated and looked to me for help, all I did was smile and encourage him to try again. He tried three times and was unsuccessful in getting his sock on. But he was successful in learning the idea of putting socks on. He was successful in seeing what didn’t work. He was successful in figuring out his own limit before he asked for help. 

Doing nothing was hard. I wanted to help him but I just sat there and encouraged. You could say that encouraging is still doing something, which it is, but it is a different level of what I’m used to doing for my son. 

Doing nothing has been difficult because I am in the habit of helping my son. I mean all parents are conditioned to do everything for a helpless baby. But my baby isn’t really a helpless baby anymore. He is capable, strong, and confident.

That means, I have to adapt to who he is now and get out of my habits of doing everything. It’s time to give him some responsibility, some challenges, and some growth opportunities. I mean, I’m not raising my son to live at home with my husband and I forever. 

Another example is that my son wants to get into his car seat by himself. My gosh… you little wild guy. I can feel the weight of my son, 35 pounds, on my back as I lug him into the car seat. Personally, I would love for my son to get into his car seat by himself. I’ve tweaked my back more times than I can count plunking him into the car seat. But am I emotionally ready to let go of putting my son in the car seat? Ughh… my mama heart. 

I said yes to my son. Yes, you can put yourself in your car seat. I just stood behind him and he climbed up in there. He struggled at the beginning because of how tall our SUV is. But after that, he was a little monkey and pulled himself into his car seat. He even pulled the straps up to try and loop his arms through. Wow… okay dude, good job. 

What I loved about this moment was that he knew he was physically capable of getting into his car seat. He also was confident enough to verbalize it and ask for what he wanted to do. He also struggled to make it happen, but his smile when he got into his car seat - all by himself - was of pure delight. All I had to do was watch, then share in his excitement and happiness. 

Doing nothing is great! 

My son is now helping to bring in grocery bags because I’ve stepped back from that. He puts his folded laundry into the right drawers because I’ve stopped doing that for him. He finds his hiking backpack when we are going on an adventure because I’ve stopped getting it for him. Just small, little things to step back from have made a huge impact on my relationship with my son and on his development. 

I am growing so much as a mother in just stepping back from doing every single little thing. I feel how my heart is growing in love for seeing my son’s abilities and interests just by stepping back. My heart couldn’t possibly get any bigger but… I can feel it growing. 

Doing nothing or limiting what I’m doing for my son has been an adjustment. I don’t want to pile too much on too quickly or to have him grow up too quickly. That’s not okay. I’m just walking that fine line of helping him develop from the baby he used to be into the boy he is now.