I remember the moment, after all of our fertility struggles, when the pregnancy test showed positive. WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!! Let’s tell everyone and start nesting right now!! 

So much of our focus was on pregnancy and getting the house ready. As we got through the first trimester, I looked at my health benefits and how long my maternity leave could be through my company. I was only offered maternity leave for so long and I then had to drain my PTO in order to take the full 12-week leave I needed for recovery (I wish the U.S. had better maternity leave benefits…). 

After those 12 weeks, it was back to work. What were we going to do about childcare? 

We talked about leaning on our parents, Jason’s soon-to-be grandparents, we talked about having me stay home and not go back to work, we talked about a nanny, we talked about daycare, and we talked about not using any help and just juggling everything. I started calling daycares and learned there were huge waiting lists and no openings for nearly a year. I’m not even kidding, a freaking year.

I know we were not the only parents who had this oh crap moment. Oh crap, who is going to care for our child that we love and treasure? Who can we trust with raising our child in a way that we agree with, in a healthy environment, and in a safe, maternal way? What are we going to do? We had so much difficulty getting pregnant, we didn’t really consider all of the post-pregnancy things like childcare, which is an everyday need. Seems obvious… right? 

Ugh… parenting struggles.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, most parents do not have a formal arrangement for childcare. The U.S. Census Bureau further shares:

If I were to take the U.S. Census Bureau information and make it more modern, I would say the following childcare options are available to modern parents:

• Formal daycares

• In-home daycares

• Nanny or babysitter 

• A parent leaves the workforce

• Enlist the support of family, friends, or neighbors

• Parents move back in with family

• Other pay for care locations such as a YMCA, Church, etc… that offer limited daily hours

• If you have older children, then they help care for your younger children

• None - you juggle everything 

Childcare for our son has been the BIGGEST and most CONSTANT point of stress for our family. 

The stress truly is constant and a frequent topic of discussion. What is our professional schedule for the week, what about personal commitments, healthcare appointments, meal prep, household chores, and everything else? Who is doing drop-off or pick-up, what time is X person coming over to help, I had a change in my schedule and what does that mean for our son? It is seriously an ongoing, constant stress and discussion of caring for our son. 

It has been this way ever since I went back to work 3 months postpartum. We tried out multiple babysitters, leaning of local family, waiting on an opening for a local daycare, and juggling everything ourselves. There were only a handful of moments when things actually went well and we were able to manage everything. Most of the time, it was stressful. We were both up in the morning super early and going to bed very late. Working in the morning before our son got up, juggling the day, working late into the evening to catch up. Trying to squeeze in a little self-care or even taking a shower felt like a luxury. 

My son is now two-years-old and things have started to level out. We do still constantly talk about his childcare, our professional and personal schedule, and lean on our childcare to help us through the work week. 

We do know that our childcare can change and it has multiple times in the past two years. We then have to reset and learn how to juggle more than we ever thought possible. Even though childcare is the biggest and most constant stress we have, we are very intentional about who cares for our son. 

We will not settle for the cheapest option, the most available option, or the most convenient option. Even when we desperately need some help. We know what we are willing to sacrifice and are willing to carry a heavy load so our son is raised based on our parenting style and expectations.

It is SO hard, so freaking hard making these decisions. Childcare is such an important decision that should be hard to make. As a parent, there should be many things on the table during those discussions such as finances, personal commitments, and professional changes. 

What I’ve seen though is that this is the parenting season we are in. There are a limited number of years we have with our son before he is old enough to go to school. These are the years when we are sacrificing, when we are stressed, and when we are juggling many things. These are also the best years when our son is truly ours. He is ours before he goes to school and then our vacations, our free time, and our schedule is dictated to us by the school system. 

Childcare is a reality and there are many oh crap moments. Childcare is also a very difficult choice to make. These are the precious years and the sacrifice it requires is absolutely worth it.